[TI] NG - Re: child and parent again

[Grace Olivo]

Franciene, your story touched me deeply, and I commend you for your web
page, it's excellent and hopefully will save someone else.  My 86 year old
Sicilian mother lived with Parkinson's Disease for over 20 years. My father
was her devoted caregiver for many years, and when he died in 2003 I took
her from their home in Florida to live with me. [my brother did nothing for
6 years]  I have an old Victorian house at the Jersey Shore - meaning lots
and lots of stairs, 8 of them just to reach the porch/front door. We had a
morning aide, and she spent her days happily at an adult care center near
our home while I was at work.  The day came when the stairs were too much
for her and we were concerned she would fall again [she broke her hip in my
kitchen one year] and we chose the best nursing home in south Jersey for
her.  I went there 7 days a week and spent hours each day with her. There
was one aide that she didn't like, a Haitian lady, but there was nothing we
could do to get her changed. I tried befriending the aide, hoping it would
translate into being kinder to Mom. Long story short, one night she left her
in her wheelchair at the sink to brush her teeth, forgot to hook up her seat
belt AND forgot to lock the wheels on the chair.  She had a bad fall [Jan
26th] out of the chair that night, and was ambulanced to the hospital, where
she died in a coma this past March 2nd. Those 6 weeks were hellish for her
and us. The aide was 'reprimanded'. We're not the type to sue, but it
bothers me that the woman still works there.  I feel the guilt every day
that if Mom was home with me she might still be alive.  

Grace

Hi all,
I am sorry to hear about your problems with ill parents. My sisters and 
I faced the same thing a few years ago. If your parents are in a nursing 
facility or if you have hired someone to care for them as we did, go to 
the following website as soon as possible. Our dad was murdered by a 
caregiver; she tried to kill mom too. I set up a website telling our 
family story, giving advice on what to look for. I even wrote an article 
for a national magazine. Go here: http://www.iannarino.us/. The page 
entitled "Protecting your loved one" gives a list of important things to 
be aware of. Make sure you read it. It doesn't matter what you pay for 
caregivers or how highly rated the nursing facility is. It is still 
staffed by people, some of whom are uncaring and even hateful.

My sisters and I were all well educated and put a lot of thought and 
time into what we did and were in our parents home daily. Unfortunately, 
the murderess was more experienced than us, and though poorly educated, 
smarter than us. Our mom survived for three more years after dad. We 
never believed anything a caregiver told us again after our experience. 
If your parent ever says that someone is mean to them, believe it!  If 
you don't, they will never tell you again and you will live to regret 
it. God bless you all for the love and time which you are giving.

Franciene McDonald